SHAME ON THE BUNNY 4

 Part 1 of The Lies We Told Each Other

Fandoms:
Top Gun (Movies), Thunderheart (1992)

Relationships:
Tom "Iceman" Kazansky/Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Sarah Kazansky/Tom "Iceman" Kazansky, Sarah Kazansky/Tom "Iceman" Kazansky/Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Walter Crow Horse/Ray Levoi

Characters:
Tom "Iceman" Kazansky, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Carole Bradshaw, Sarah Kazansky, Jake "Hangman" Seresin, Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw, Ron "Slider" Kerner, Ray Levoi, Walter Crow Horse, Grandpa Samuel Reaches, Original Child Character(s)

Additional Tags:
Trans Male Character, Unplanned Pregnancy, Secret Relationship, Polyamory, Tom "Iceman" Kazansky Lives

Summary:

She arrived at Pine Ridge one August afternoon on the weekly bus that connects Rapid City and the reservation. They had told her that if she could prove her Indian blood, the tribal council was obliged to give her a settlement. As soon as she said that she was Sarah Seresin, the daughter of Sean Seresin, everyone turned to look at her. An hour later, a tall man with long blond hair in two braids and blue eyes appeared. "I'm Ray Seresin," he said. Ray couldn't wait to take her to her house in Allen, where he even had photos of several generations of her family.

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Chapter 4: 1991, April 

It is Sunday and the last day of March. The babies can arrive any time after tomorrow, so Ray and Mav rush to assemble the cribs and cabinets. At the same time, Walter checks that the new tub has secure plumbing and that the bathroom has all the necessary supplies for the two upcoming deliveries. In the living room, Sarah and Grandpa Sam are trying to distract Tom, who wants to micromanage them but has to keep his feet up and relax so he doesn't rush the birth.

"Was your brother always this controlling?" Pete complains despite himself.

He truly loves Tom, but the eighth month's forced inactivity has made him unbearable.

Ray winces awkwardly as he tests the crib's sliding rail mechanism.

"We separated more than ten years ago, Pete. I don't know if I know him. I only have memories. As children, yes, he always tried to be in control. I guess being a pilot in the Navy only exacerbated that trait?"

"Oh! How you cannot imagine. Everyone who knows Captain Kazansky knows he's going to be an admiral. He has that vibe, you know? Rumor has it he's actually the son of some Washington heavyweight, and he's being groomed to be the youngest member of the Joint Chiefs or something equally glorious."

"Really?"

Ray gestures, and they move the baby's cabinet to the agreed position.

"And how do they explain the unknown last name?"

"Versions diverge on whether he is a bastard son or if he is forced to use another surname to avoid favoritism. There are ongoing bets on how or when the "Big Reveal" will happen."

The other let out an incredulous grunt.

"What can I tell you?" apologizes the pilot. "In the Navy, we are many men, very few women, and we have too much waiting time. Gossip and betting are popular occupations." 

Ray lets out an amused laugh.

"None of my visions of my brother's future prepared me for such a ridiculous scenario. This is already complete. Don't you think?"

Pete looks around the room. They moved the bed to the center. To the left are the crib and the changing table. To the right is an old cabinet with Tom and Pete's few possessions and a new one, beige, for the baby's things. The blankets, sheets, clothes, diapers, and toys are in carefully labeled boxes on the bed. Some things he bought in Rapid City, but most are donations from the community, which constantly recirculates these resources.

"Yes, our part is finished."

They go to the living room. Pete goes straight to Tom for a quick kiss on the lips. His partner blushes a little but makes no disapproving noises, and he considers it a victory. These weeks on the reservation are all they will have to be open about their relationship, and he wants to accumulate as many good memories as possible.

Ray makes a mocking noise, his twin sticks his tongue out at him, and he responds with fake seriousness.

"Very mature captain, you are an example for our little sister."

"You leave me out of this!" Sarah demands though it's hard to understand her with a mouthful of cookies and jelly.

"I don't know how Grandpa Sam managed to convince us that you are wakíŋyaŋ čhaŋté reincarnated, the government lets you go around flying planes, and there are people who put their lives in this girl's hands," Walter says as he comes out of the bathroom. "You three should be in "Night" Court."

"You have no idea of anything, Walter Crow Horse. No clue at all." Grandpa Sam intervenes without taking his eyes off the TV. "Their lives in "Night" Court "what a dumb idea! Ray, Tom, and Sarah can only be "Dallas" characters."

The room becomes chaotic as each family member makes a case for their favorite TV series and explains how they would fit together. Pete just hugs Tom and laughs.

Maybe this is happiness?

They have a sweet and sour roast rabbit prepared by Walter for dinner. The weight of the talk is carried out by Sarah and Granpa Sam, who exchange traditional Sioux healing methods and their equivalents among the white population. Pete, Walter, and the twins leave them to their musings, adding a word here or there to make it look like they can follow.

It's good that Sarah is willing to discuss medicine. It means that she is healing from the horror she experienced. 

Sarah is still in a good mood when Pete comes to her room at night to help with her bedtime routine. He puts moisturizer on her stretched skin, massages the slightly swollen feet, and adjusts the pillows so the weight of her belly doesn't affect her breathing. Finally, when she is under the blanket and relaxed, Pete asks her.

"Did you think about our offer?"

Sarah avoids his eyes when she answers.

"Yeah."

"And then?"

"I can't help but feel like I'm getting between you two," she admits.

Pete sighs.

"Sarah, outside the Pine Ridge reservation, your brother and I are nothing more than friends. What's worse, we can't be anything more than friends. If any doubt falls on us, they will give us a blue ticket and goodbye! If you list Tomas Kazansky as the father on your baby's birth certificate, that does not threaten our relationship. Instead, it is a great protection for you. You'll need a respectable father to get Social Services off your back. Ray tells me that even here, you are not safe from their policies of "helping" Indian single mothers."

The mention of Social Services makes her shoulders tense, and her face harden.

"I can take care of myself. I did it for fifteen years, right?"

"You can, but you don't have to. You have found your family, Sarah. Let us take care of you."

She closes her eyes, barely able to hold back the tears. Pete intensely desires to hug and cover her with kisses, but he stops himself. After what happened, Sarah doesn't appreciate that kind of gesture.

"Can I touch you?"

After she nods, Pete reaches under the blanket and gently presses her shoulder. He approaches her face slowly, giving her time to reject him. He kisses her cheek and then continues speaking into her ear.

"You will never break anything between Tom and me. We want you among us, to take care of you and protect you because we love you."

"You can't love me," she interrupts, "you barely know me."

He shuts her up with another kiss.

"We come from broken homes, Tom, you and me. We learned to gauge people quickly. That's what life was about. It isn't true?"

Despite herself, Sarah nods. She, too, grew up in foster care after her parents were killed in a shooting that police declared "accidental" in less than 24 hours. She was five. Although she gave her name and her nation, Social Services did not attempt to contact tribal authorities. They told her that no one was willing to take her in, and that was it. She returned to the Oglala Sioux tribe fifteen years later, unknowingly carrying a new life inside.

Sarah arrived at Pine Ridge one August afternoon on the weekly bus that connects Rapid City and the reservation. They had told her that if she could prove her Indian blood, the tribal council was obliged to give her a settlement. Besides, Sarah wasn't useless: she was a certified nurse and midwife. She was counting on that to make a living. Yet she found no contempt, mistrust, or forced kindness. As soon as she said she was Sarah Seresin, Sean Seresin's daughter, everyone turned to look at her. An official appeared and took her out of the general room and to a cozy office with armchairs so comfortable that she thought she would fall asleep there. They asked for her documents and to explain the situation, but they also offered her water and asked if she had had lunch.

An hour later, while she was chewing the tastiest sandwich of her life, the biggest surprise arrived: a tall man with long blond hair in two braids and blue eyes. "I'm Ray Seresin," he said. That's how she learned that the twins' Saul and Sean Seresin were descendants of an old and respected Sioux family that had been thought lost when both brothers died far from the reservation. Ray was her cousin by law, his uncle's son, but in genetic terms and in the eyes of the tribe, they were half-siblings, since Ray was the son of her father's identical twin.

Those were technicalities. Ray couldn't wait to take her home to Allen, where he even had photos of several generations of the Seresin family.

So yeah, Sarah was forced early in life to gauge people. She knows that what Tom and Pete feel for her is not pity or family obligation. The problem is her.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to…" she bites her lip, annoyed with herself. "If I will ever be able to repay you."

Pete strokes her hair and looks into her eyes.

"Family is not debts and payments, Sarah. It doesn't work like that. We are here for you. Tom and I want to ensure Social Services can't do anything to you. You will live here with two gay men, one of whom has "visions" and left the FBI under shady circumstances. Do you know how long social services will take to "save" your baby from an unhealthy family environment?"

She goes to say something else, but a contraction takes her breath and words away. She desperately grabs Pete's arm and groans.

"Do you think it's for real or a fake one?" He asks when the contraction ends, and she loosens her grip.

"I think it's the real deal, but let's wait, okay? I don't want to wake anyone for nothing."

He nods, his eyes unfocused, and she knows he's going over the childbirth preparation plan that she and the OB/GYN at the clinic in Pine Ridge, Grandpa Sam, and herself worked out. She is about to say something else but feels a trickle of something thicker than urine between her legs.

"Help me up. My water has broken."

Five hours later, Sarah is sitting in the bathtub, lower-half of her body submerged in warm water, enduring the frequent contractions by alternately squeezing Ray's and Walter's hands.

"I won't have sex again. Never!" She screams angrily.

Walter gives him an incredulous look.

"If I had a dollar for each woman who has said that to me, we could buy back half the land that the whites stole from us."

"Have you attended many births?" Sarah will accept any topic of conversation that distracts her.

"In the reserve, a policeman has to do everything, from locating cows to helping to give birth. Regarding the other, you can have sex without penetration or become a lesbian."

She throws water at him, annoyed.

"Nobody becomes a lesbian. Did you decide to become gay?"

But Walter keeps his poise.

"I was born on this reservation. At the government school, they washed my mouth with soap for speaking Lakota, but I never forgot who I was. I came back, and Grandpa Sam taught me that this obsession with sexual orientation is part of white culture. We are Sioux. We are making a Sioux family right now. Forget about…"

He doesn't finish the sentence because another contraction hits Sarah, and she digs her nails into his arm.

"Damn, woman, take me to bed before you scratch me like that."

She smiles through the pain.

"My brother will be jealous."

"Nah. Haven't you heard? Your brother Ray is a mystic revered by the Council of Elders. He is too busy leading the tribe to think about the pleasures of the flesh."

Ray snorts.

"Of course, because I'm very busy thinking about your flesh, my multi-tasking police officer. I seem to remember that last night my..."

"Okay, okay," Sarah interrupts, "you don't have to be so explicit. I'm in the middle of the birth labor. I need distractions, not nightmares."

Grandpa Sam checks on her dilation and declares she can start pushing now. After that, the process is relatively quick. They agreed that Ray would receive the baby, so he leans down to take the head as Grandpa Sam guides him. Sarah feels that after five months, she can finally breathe easily while something small and sticky is put on her chest.

"Hello Sammy," she whispers between the last pushes to expel the placenta.

"Sammy?" Ray asks as he maneuvers to cut the umbilical cord.

"Yes," she smiles, tired and satisfied. "Someone bring Tom and Pete, please."

Walter gets up and goes to look for them. Meanwhile, Grandpa Sam pulls the plug on the tub, and as soon as the water gets low enough, Ray covers them with a giant towel decorated with the tribal flag.
Finally, everyone is around the bathtub. Sarah pulls back the towel so they can see the baby, already latched on.

"I present to you Samantha Raina Kazansky, a descendant of wakíŋyaŋ čhaŋté, who gave his life in Wounded Knee, a new addition to the Oglala Sioux tribe.

All around, the family smiles. Everyone recognizes the homage in the names and the chosen last name: Sam, as in grandfather Samuel, Raina, as his uncle Ray; and Kazansky, to keep Tom connected and give him a chance to look after them without the Navy taking too much interest in the matter. Plus, having a trans man around has shown her the virtues of gender-neutral names.

The bubble of happiness is burst when Tom grunts and thrashes. Pete holds him up and looks at the rest of the group with a forced smile.

"I think we should hurry to clean the bathtub. There is another addition to the tribe about to arrive."

Sammy was born at dawn on April 1st, 1991. Her first day in the world was calm: she slept and let his mother sleep with intermittent interruptions to feed. Walter stood guard over the young mother and sang old Lakota lullabies for his newborn niece.

Meanwhile, Tom yelled and cursed at many people for ten hours. To the entire Mitchell family, for Pete's fucking super-sperm. To Carole for not convincing him to have an abortion in September. To his brother for not "unintentionally" throwing him off a slope when he arrived on the reservation in November. Even to Grandpa Sam for not rushing the whole thing. His brother and his partner turn red several times. Grandpa Sam, on the other hand, was used to childbirth labor rants and let it all slide off him.

"It's time," the undaunted old man finally says, guiding Mav, as he had shown Ray before, on how to help the baby finally arrive.

The barrage of expletives stopped when Pete put the baby on Tom's chest. The blond blinked several times, disoriented by the sudden change in his body. The newborn moved its head a little, let out a weak wail, and, not finding support on Tom's flat chest, began to slide into the cloudy water that the bathtub still contained. It was only a few millimeters. Tom reacted instantly and cradled him gently.

"It's…"

He looked up at Pete and smiled tentatively.

"Yeah," Pete said, stunned, "it's perfect."

"And what is the perfect baby going to be called?" asked Grandpa Sam mockingly.

"Jacob," Tom said softly, kissing his dark lanugo-covered head and repeating a little more forcefully, "Jacob Raymond Mitchell, a descendant of Wakíŋyaŋ čhaŋté, who gave his life in Wounded Knee, a new addition to the Oglala Sioux tribe."

In the days that follow, they build a new routine that doesn't prevent bad nights but at least prevents them from bumping into each other. Sam is in Sarah's room, where an intercom is connected to Ray and Walter's. When the little girl wakes up, and her mother starts feeding her, one of the two brings her food and drink. Jake is with his parents, but when he wakes up, Pete gets up to see if he needs a diaper change or takes him to Sarah to be breastfed. Tom always stays in bed, silent, watching with tear-filled eyes as his son gradually forgets him.

During the day, the policemen go to work, Sarah does the housework, Pete takes care of the babies, and Tom trains. The excuse for his leave without pay was a personal problem. The circumstances described in the application were vague enough for Sarah's birth to fall within the realm of possibility. Still, he has less than three weeks to report to Naval Base Norfolk and has to expunge all traces of his pregnancy.

This is how they are one morning, Mav on a rocking chair in the living room with Sam and Jake on his chest, eyes pleasantly distracted by Ice's sweaty torso as he does sit-ups and half listening to the radio Sarah has on in the kitchen. Tommy Page's promises that he will be a lover, a friend, and everything else he wants and needs sound bittersweet, but he doesn't get a chance to dwell on the matter as a cheerful and somewhat mocking voice bursts into the room.

"Damn, Kazansky, only a week after giving birth, you already look better than me. Can't stop being an overachiever?" 

Pete turns, surprised. William "Cougar" Cortell is in the middle of the room! Walter stands next, looking at him with that mixture of disbelief and exasperation he has for most white people. Tom doesn't respond to the comment. Instead, he finishes his stretching exercise, grabs a towel to wipe the sweat from his forehead, and approaches his former academy classmate with a slow, calculating step. He stares at him for a few seconds before speaking.

"Watch that language, Bill. There are infants here."

But Bill makes a disinterested gesture.

"I am a father. I know well when they start to repeat things. We are still safe. How's it going, Mitchell?"

He moves with the clear intention of getting a closer look at Sam and Jake, but Tom steps to the side and prevents him from advancing.

The blond's back tenses, and his eyes harden. Suddenly he is no longer Tom, the tender man, curious about the Sioux culture and uncomfortable with his weight in recent months. Walter, Pete, and Bill notice how he transforms into Iceman by putting the towel around his neck and crossing his arms. 

"No."

"No? Come on, man, I didn't come all the way from Chicago to be treated like a messenger."

"You can only get close after you wash. They barely have a week."

Bill's shocked expression would be comical were it not for the fact that Tom certainly put too much aggressiveness into the demand. Pete finds himself in the odd position of being the one to calm things down.

"Cougar forgot in the excitement, Tom. It is not a problem. Walter, can you take him to wash his hands?"

"Yes, sure. Surely you even have a spare shirt or t-shirt in the backpack, right?" He asks Bill as he leads him into the bathroom.

"Yes, yes, I do have a change of clothes."

As soon as the bathroom door closes, Walter turns to his brother-in-law.

"Can you tell me what the hell was that? You almost took your friend's head off!"

In an instant, the pose is undone, and the attitude that makes Iceman a man feared and admired disappears to leave only Tom, who sighs as if he had come out of a trance.

"I don't know. I last saw Cougar in two, almost three years ago. We only communicated by letter or phone. I saw it… it was like being out there again." He turns to Pete with an embarrassed expression. "Really. I was just worried that he would contaminate Sam and Jake, but I don't know any other way."

Pete nods. He turns to Sarah, who has watched the entire exchange from the kitchen doorway, cringing and silent.

"Will you take them to your room? Soon it will be time for them to feed."

She accepts the chance to hide, clearly intimidated by Tom's sudden aggressiveness. Walter goes with her, taking Bill, who is already coming out of the bathroom with damp hair and a clean T-shirt.

Pete takes Tom by the hand and walks them into the bedroom. He sits on the bed, leaning against the headboard, and Tom automatically settles between his legs. Pete rests his chin on his partner's shoulder, wraps his arms around him, and sighs. They don't talk for a while. Tom just allows himself to be hugged and leans on his lover's chest.

"I'm scared," the blonde finally admits.

"Me too; that fear comes with being parents. We will have to learn to live with it."

Tom snorts, incredulous.

"Since when are you the emotionally mature part of this couple?" 

"I'm not, but… I remember Nick when Bradley was born."

Pete is silent again. Five years have passed, and he still has difficulty talking about Nick. It was his brother, and knows he'll never have that with anyone else. But he must do this.

"When Bradley was born, Nick was given two weeks' leave. Imagine! He hadn't seen Carole since she was four months pregnant and suddenly found himself with a baby. He came back changed. He was trying to be there for me, to be my RIO, but he could only do it in the air. As soon as the engine died, his mind went back to Texas, to Carole and Brad. Everything that I thought united us, the passion for speed, the joy of danger, the pleasure of competition and risk, ceased to matter to him. After a while, it just passed. Little by little, he found the balance between the danger of being a Navy aviator and his concern for Bradley."

"What's your point?"

Pete hugs him a little closer and speaks into his ear very softly. They have to figure this out now, or he suspects Tom might literally rip someone's head off when he leaves Pine Ridge.

"This takes time, Tom, and you won't control it. You must accept that your body and mind need time to get over the pregnancy. You had Jake inside you. Now he's out. You planned everything so that he would forget you, but you will not forget him. If you pretend nothing's wrong, you'll collapse out there, and we'll lose everything."

"You know I have two weeks left to report to Norfolk."

"I'm not saying you must stop training. I want you to admit the emotional changes that being a father brings. Because," he hesitates but finally decides to ask, "you still want to be Jake's father, don't you?"

"What kind of question is that Mitchell? I didn't do all this," Tom spreads his arms vaguely including the room, but they both know he's referring to the web of lies and half-truths that got them here, "to abandon my son as soon as things get a little tough."

"Okay, okay. I had to ask. There will hardly be rewards for you, who did the hardest part," and gently caresses Tom's still tender belly. "That hurts. The mere idea hurts. You have… You might decide it's too hard being a shadow parent."

But Tom answers him with a smirk.

"Oh! Love, you are so innocent. You will be the father, responsible for school tasks, discipline, and punishments. I'll be the cool uncle who brings exotic gifts and will listen to him complain about his daddy, who doesn't understand the anguish of love at fifteen."

"Aha! So you planned this part." Pete kisses his neck. "How cold of you Kazansky!"

"Sure, I'm Iceman, the man who doesn't make mistakes." Tom turns to catch Pete's face and kisses him.

"This is my revenge for getting me pregnant."

"Well," Pete murmurs against his lips as he slides his hands along his hips, "I'll take my punishment with resignation."

A couple of hours later, when they leave their room searching for lunch, they find Cougar cradling Sam and Jake while Walter and Sarah study some documents at the dining room table.

"So, Kazansky, Mitchell scratched your itch?" asks Bill slyly.

Tom growls.

"I lost control for a moment. Sorry?"

But the other shrugs.

"Everyone's postpartum blues is different. The second time, my wife decided that the color of the tomatoes was disturbing. Tomatoes!" the babies squirm a little in his arms, and Bill changes his tone. "What do you think, baby Sam? Will you like pizza? Oh! Yes, Jake, you will be the cutest boy and the best aviator in history, with the genes of your two crazy parents." He looks at Tom again. "The thing is, I understand: you're another Iceman now."

"Thank you."

"Go on, check, and fill out the forms. I have to go back early tomorrow."

They spend the night reviewing the documents Bill brought from Chicago, where Tom is supposed to have been since Thanksgiving with Sarah, helping her through the pregnancy and delivery. He has even got the medical file and billing forms from the small clinic where Samantha is supposed to have been born, with which they can apply for the birth certificate and request the social security number.

The next day, Bill prepares his truck for the thirteen-hour drive to Chicago. He says goodbye to each person and leaves Pete last. He takes advantage of the hug to whisper a hurried threat.

"I'm warning you, Mitchell, if you break his heart, I will forget I owe you my life. I'll strap you to a landing gear. Being a commercial pilot also has its perks.

Pete only smiles. 

"Understood, Lieutenant Cougar."