ROOTS 6

 Part 4 of: The Lies We Told Each Other

Fandom: Top Gun (Movies), Thunderheart (1992)

INDEX: http://palabraspulsares.blogspot.com/p/the-lies-we-told-each-other-4-roots.html

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Chapter 6: Real Genius

Summary:
Jake at USNA, from August 2008 to December 2009


4 Procedures

For the first four months, Jake concentrates on maintaining his character, not standing out, and not getting close to the claque of nepo babies.

It is not difficult.

The USNA's first four-week program consists of physical training and confidence-building exercises. On Monday, when it all begins, they explain that this training regimen is designed to transform them from civilians into midshipmen. Even though he knew what would happen and has been training for over a year, Jake bitterly complains to Javier that getting up at 5:30 am is DOD-sanctioned torture.

All the running, pulling ropes, rowing, and shouting slogans leave little time for personal questions. Being silent is, of course, easier than lying. So Jake soon gains a reputation as a man of few words. He is one of the hundreds of rookies who doesn't comment on orders, doesn't complain about demands, and definitely doesn't talk more than is strictly necessary. He knows people confuse his silence with self-interest and distrust, but he doesn't care.

The claque of nepo babies is easy to distinguish and avoid. They always get together to eat and are sorted together for exercises. Their performance is consistently mediocre, but the instructors don't seem very interested in putting pressure on them.

"It's a coincidence, of course," Brig says on the third day in a carefully neutral tone while they eat dinner.

"Of course," Jake agrees as he looks at the end of the dining room, where the baby nepo are making a hell of a noise.

Javier looks at Brig curiously.

"Shouldn't you be with them?"

"Me?" -Brig's tone is one of absolute horror.

"Yes, you are the nephew of Leonard "Wolf" Wolfe, technically…"

"Technically, he is a disgrace." -and gives him the PG version- "My uncle left the Navy to fly air shows. Believe me, they don't want me there, and I'm not interested either." -he forcefully puts a piece of cake into his mouth.

Javier nods and returns to his food. Three days have been enough for him to understand that the internal politics of the Navy is as marked by merit as by blood. Also, gossip...

"By the way! Have you heard the new theory about Mitchell Junior?"

Jake snorts, bored with the speculation about his whereabouts. It turns out that his father's fan club was awaiting his arrival at the USNA. Brig smiles. The bastard thinks it's hilarious, of course.

"No, tell, tell," he asks without finishing swallowing.

"Well, he's at Wallace University, leading the golf team. There is even evidence," - he marks the word by raising his hands and moving with his index and middle fingers like quotes - "a screenshot of a Facebook post from the team."

"Did you see that "evidence"?" -inquires Brig.

"Well, yes, they forced me to see it. There's a blonde guy dressed in a ridiculous plaid vest. The truth is, he seems more like a son of Admiral Kazansky than of this Mitchell."

Jake starts coughing. Brig pats him on the back while laughing.

"Can we drop the matter?" -he says finally- "It's just another baby nepo. Personally, I'm glad he left his space for someone who was accepted on their own merits."

Javier nods. He's realized that his roommate has some soft spots, and one of them is military families. He suspects it is a projection of resentment towards his absent father since his mother raised him without help. He's not interested in the topic either. Javi agrees that this is ridiculous gossip. Wherever he is, the boy has the right to his privacy.

Like any fire that does not receive fuel, speculation about the fate of Maverick II disappears by the second week. Jake breathes a sigh of relief. If, until now, none of the nepo recognized him, it would not happen.

After four weeks of "acclimatization," classes begin. In that sense, USNA is like any school: lectures, assignments, research papers, oral presentations. At the same time, it is different from any other school: classes do not replace physical training but are added to it. The rhythm is brutal.

When November rolls around, there are rumors that some people won't return from Thanksgiving break.

It is then that the first proof of his new identity arrives.

"What time do you leave tomorrow?" -Javier asks casually while packing a minimal backpack.

"None."

Javier stops and turns to look at him, surprised.

"I don't have a family, Javi." -Jake calmly explains- "Before coming here, I had a garage sale and closed the contract on my apartment in San Diego."

"But…" -Javier has a large and noisy family. He can't imagine that kind of loneliness.

"I'll be fine. The school is having a themed dinner on Thursday, and I have much to read about Admiral Nimitz."

"Okay," his roommate finally says.

With Brig, things are not so easy, of course.

"Come with me. I beg you."

"No."

"Jake, you can't cut everyone out of your life just because you're angry with your father and..."

"Be quiet!" -the blonde hisses and looks around in fear.

They are in a corner of the library, but he can't leave anything to chance. One word and all his efforts will be in vain.

"For the last time. Thanksgiving is a family holiday. You and I have a cordial relationship, but not intimate. It's not reasonable for you to invite me. Also, the nepo babies know why Hollywood and Wolf left the Navy. If they find out that I went to your house, my reputation, our reputation, will be destroyed."

"Jake…"

"Not another word, Brig."

Those are strange four days. Bancroft Hall is almost empty. Jake doesn't have much to occupy himself, so for the first time, he can't escape the nostalgia. Thanksgiving is not a celebratory event for his family. As white people, Carole, Kazansky, and his father grew up celebrating the holiday without worry. For Iná Sarah is different because she is Sioux. Jake has no memories of his life before the mansion in University City, so he doesn't know if he ate turkey and corn in his early years.

His memories of Thanksgiving are very different than those reflected in the media and, he now understands, a key to his indigenous identity. In second grade, he and his sister refused to "dress up as Indians" to represent the supposed event of 1621. In fourth grade, Iná had to pick him up from school after getting into a fight with a boy who called Sam an "ungrateful Indian." They never had the traditional dinner but instead traveled to the Barona Reservation, where they participated in a memorial for the National Day of Indigenous Mourning. The only time they didn't go was in November 1997, when mom Carole was in the hospital.

If their father or Ice were in San Diego, they joined them. Kazansky always seemed especially moved on those days. Jake now realizes that it had to do with celebrating his own victory, the seduction of Pete Mitchell.

So on November 27, 2008, far from everything he knew and forced to pretend to be an average white man from California, Jake feels naked. He cowers in the sheets and cries for what Tom "Iceman" Kazansky has taken from him.


5 Norms

5.1 Politics is for politicians

Barack Obama's victory turned the world upside down, so the USNA is also shaken. As the roommate of a black Latino, Jake sees firsthand the enthusiasm that the election produces in Javier and almost the entire student body "of color." At the same time, he can see the resentful looks of those offended by the audacity of Obama and his followers.

Tension increases significantly after Thanksgiving. Almost everyone seemed to return from home with more extreme opinions and less interest in listening. Once again, he is in a paradoxical situation. They consider him a white person, so Javi is cautious in how he expresses his joy, and no one lowers their voice to make racist comments around him. That ends the day he gives Paxon McCormick a black eye, and they end up in Captain Sam "Merlin" Wells' office.

"So? Which of the two will tell me their story first?"

Jake purses his lips and looks straight ahead. He is relaxed in his waiting position with his hands behind his back. His jaw hurts, but the labored breathing of the jerk next to him is payment enough.

"This guy violated my right to freedom of expression," McCormick states with his southern drawl.

"Midshipman Seresin?" Merlin corrects him. "I can't believe it." and looks at Jake curiously.

"Yes, sir." -McCormick mistakes the captain's expression as support- "I was talking with some friends when I said something that he didn't like and demanded that I shut up. I told him he had the right to say whatever he wanted. He hit me."

"And what did you say, Midshipman McCormick? -the captain asks in a soft voice."

"What did I said?" -the student repeats without being able to hide his surprise- "I don't... I don't remember, sir. Something about the latest Indiana Jones and Cate Blanchett's character."

Jake holds back the urge to laugh, looks at Merlin's carefully blank expression, and realizes this is his moment.

"Midshipman McCormick said that when Barack Obama takes power, the Irina Spalkos will walk around our country, and the Department of Defense will not be able to do anything because we will all be busy in inclusion and diversity courses, sir. He also said that this country could not have a Muslim president because we are a Christian nation, sir."

"Was it like that, McCormick?"

"Well…"

"You study at USNA, McCormick, and as long as you are part of our community, you will behave accordingly. We are a nation with no official religion, so Mr. Obama can pray to whoever he wants. That's none of your business, McCormick. And it certainly doesn't disqualify him from holding any position."

"Yes, sir."

"Regarding inclusion and diversity courses, studies indicate that those who oppose this often use racist and sexist arguments. Are you a racist, McCormick?"

"No, sir!"

"Are you a sexist, McCormick?"

"No, sir!" -the redhead shouts.

"Glad to hear it. Because those attitudes are contrary to the spirit of the Navy. Clearly, this was all a misunderstanding. You come from a fine southern family. Alabama, right?"

"Yes, sir. My family has been producing cotton since the 19th century. Pillars of the community."

"Well. Then you will feel at home helping the Gospel Choir for the rest of the year."

"Sir?" -Paxon asks, perplexed.

"I don't believe in inclusion courses, McCormick." -Wells explains with a shark-like smile- "I believe in practice. Since you still haven't realized, there's nothing good about claiming to be descended from slave owners, and you talk so much about the good old days of the Confederacy. Yes, I found out about that. You will spend time listening to the music created by the good people that your ancestors enslaved. Go report to Mr. Scott!"

"Yes, sir!"

Paxton flees. Jake and Merlin are left alone. The captain ensures the door is closed and turns to the young man with an amused smile.

"It took you a while to show up here," he comments as he walks towards his table.

Wells does not go to his swivel chair; instead, he sits on the table and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Sit down, Jake."

"Captain Wells…"

"Come on, cut the theater, we're alone."

The young man thinks about it a little and decides it is not worth refusing. He drops into one of the chairs in front of the captain's table. Immediately, Merlin leans in to examine his face. When his fingertips brush against his jaw, Jake can't hold back a moan.

"You will have a nice bruise tomorrow."

He shrugs.

"As long as he stops spewing his racist shit. Besides, from now on, they won't say it where I can hear them. I count it as a victory."

"Very strategic." -the captain nods- "By the way, do you like the USNA?"

"Yes," he answers without hesitation. There is no reason to lie about that. "Naval history class is fun."

Merlin raises an eyebrow, mocking.

"Fun? If you say so. How is the cold treating you? In California it never gets that low."

"They always say that to those of us who come from the Pacific, but Maryland has yet to impress me. Without snow, it's not worth it."

Merlin smiles, amused.

"Have you already chosen your degree?"

"Not yet. I am torn between Mechanical Engineering and Political Science."

"Ah! Curious to know how airplanes work and how the world works, right?"

"Yes," -Jake is surprised by the clarity with which his uncle breaks it down- "That's it."

"Well, I may be biased, but... You can study engineering now, so you know how your plane works. If you want to continue climbing the ladder of power, enroll in the Naval Postgraduate School. In any case, I recommend you take advantage of our resources and get a language minor." he switches language suddenly. "How is your Lakota?"

Jake opens his eyes, surprised. It takes him a while to compose the answer in his mind.

"Since when…?"

Merlin's blue eyes shine mischievously.

"Sarah has influenced us more than even she knows."

"Yes, iná is a force of nature."

"There are other Lakota speakers in the USNA, you know? You can practice."

"I don't know if..." -he hesitates to use the words- "I don't know if they feel comfortable with a white person."

Merlin laughs as if Jake had said something incredibly innocent.

"Jake, don't you know what the last name Seresin means?" -Seeing the boy's bewildered expression, the captain looks at him worried- "But you do know who Ray Seresin is, right?" -Jake nods. Some of the tension on his face disappears, and he gives him a friendly pat on the shoulder- "I don't want to know how Pete managed to become related to Ray Seresin, but Maverick has always been... If any of us were going to cross paths with royalty, it had to be him."

Royalty? A new detail of the puzzle. But Jake doesn't have time to think about that. Merlin's tone tells him that their conversation is about to end.

"I must remind you, Midshipman Seresin, that political disagreements have no place in the USNA. Policy is Washington's business, it is up to us to implement it, nothing more. Don't decorate the face of any other homesick student. Have I been clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well then," -Wells stands up, and Jake imitates him- "Here at USNA, we have no preferences for anyone, and you have indeed committed an infraction, Seresin. I'd be very disappointed if you imagined you'd get out of this just with a hand slap. Report to Professor Christy Stanlake. You will be her assistant for the remainder of the year. Let's see if immersion in Native American culture calms you down."

Jake's eyes widen, surprised. Did Uncle Merlin just give him an alibi to meet up with the rest of the USNA indigenous student body?

"Why are you looking at me, Seresin? Was anything about his punishment unclear?" -The contrast between Merlin's jovial look and impatient voice could not be more extreme.

"No, sir." -he forces himself to say humbly- "All clear, sir. Permission to leave, sir."

"Scram."


5.2 Do not have unnecessary ties

In December, Jake casually mentions to Javier that he will be taking Spanish as an optional in the spring term. His roommate lets out a shout of triumph, and they bump fists.

Javier gives him a long, intense hug when he leaves for the end-of-the-year break. As he walks back to his room through the desolate corridors of Bancroft Hall, he thinks about what has emerged between them.

It's the first time he's made a friend on his own, without the influence or help of Brad, Sam, or Sean. Without the - he must admit - magnetic personalities of Sarah, Ice, or his father to make him look attractive. He and Javier met by chance and could have had nothing in common. He shudders at the prospect of spending four years sharing a room with a McCormick or a Benjamin. But no, they assigned him this nice, witty, discreet, loyal guy.

Jake is sure that one of the reasons why Javier does not insist on inquiring about his life in San Diego is his own origin. A black Latino family from Texas knows very well that silence can save lives. Still, nothing is perfect. He can't let his guard down because he's coming from fucking Fredericksburg. Who would have imagined it?

He still shudders when he recalls the rage and fear Chad Abbot made him feel the day his mother was buried. ""He's not your brother. He's coming with me to Texas, and you'll never see him again." He remembers how Kazansky consoled him, called him čhiŋkší (son), and called himself até (father). How his fingers caressed his skull with just enough force to make the tension leave his body and stop his tears. He shakes his head. He can't allow himself to think about Kazansky and his lies.

Instead, he must weigh the pros and cons of visiting the Machado family in the summer. He is sure that Javier will insist. It would be helpful to work in Texas for a few weeks and do something different. The weather won't be like California, but since he can't go home...

When he gets to his room, he finds Brig standing by the door. He is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What are you doing here?"

"My uncles decided to go all the way with the empty nest and will spend the end of the year on a cruise in the Caribbean. They sent my Christmas gifts by mail and will call on December 31. I can stay with you?"

His voice is calm, but he looks at him eager, as if he fears Jake's rejection.

The setup for him to spend Christmas with someone is transparent, but he realizes Brig wants this. The blonde shrugs and opens the door.

"Come then. I don't think Javi minds if you sleep in his bed these days."

They spent three excellent weeks. The USNA offers special dinners on December 24 and 31 for the handful of students and faculty who stay, but they prefer to go out and explore Annapolis. They get lost in the local artisan markets and try exotic food.

Snow finally arrives on December 27. Brig clears the table before the window and covers it with cushions and blankets. They lie down to look at the storm, Jake in front of the glass, Brig behind him, with one arm over his chest. This is peace, he thinks vaguely: the rhythmic breathing of a loved one behind your back, the swirls of wind that suggest fantastic figures on the other side of the window, hot chocolate in a thermos within reach. The rage against his father and Kazansky and his mission to find Rachel Seresin seems far away and ridiculous.

"I could live like this," he murmurs.

He feels his partner holding his breath and the fugitive sensation of fingers on his hair.

"Like this?" -Brig finally asks.

"Yeah. People always talk about falling in love, about having sex." -he makes a disgusted noise- "I don't understand. I feel perfectly satisfied with you holding me for no reason but to keep me warm. You do not?"

Jake is so happy that he doesn't notice how long it takes for Brig to answer or the slight tremor in his voice when he finally says it.

"Yes, of course. Perfectly satisfied."

Jake smiles and pats the hand resting on his chest.

"I knew it. You are a great friend." -he sighs- "I was wrong when I tried to leave you behind. Thank you for not leaving me alone."

Behind him, Brig bites his lip and summons all his willpower not to cry. Is this all he will have for the rest of his life? His parents told him he was still young and would meet other people, but... How could he meet anyone if his life is filled with Jake? He forces himself to repeat the lie that allows him to stay with this wonderful man.

"Of course, I'm your friend, Jake. Never doubt it."

On Saturday, January 3, Brig gathered his things and cleaned carefully before returning to his room.

The rest of the school year passes without too many surprises. After thinking a little about Uncle Merlin's advice, Jake decides on a major in mechanical engineering and a minor in Spanish language and cultures. He is emotionally mature enough to realize that his decision is not just due to professional considerations. Mechanical Engineering keeps him close to Brig, and studying Spanish will strengthen his ties with Javier. Of course, he doesn't say that to either of them.

He doesn't tell Brig because it's not necessary. During this year at USNA, their relationship has transformed. There were two turning points. After the fight with McCormick, Brig began accompanying him everywhere like a bodyguard. He only left it if Javier was in sight.

"He stares at anyone who looks at you too much." -his roommate commented to him one January night, somewhere between frightened and amused- "It's a cold, calculating look as if he were analyzing the best ways to kill you. Since it's known that he's also a nepo baby after Captain Wells greeted him in the dining room, they fear that he might get expelled from anyone who bothers you."

Jake doesn't know how to feel as the recipient of something so fierce. He has no idea what that cruel look they attribute to Brig looks like. He only knows the sweet look and shy smile he has given him since they met on July 4, 2001. It is 2009, and Jake is no longer little, but Lennox has grown a lot with the brutal training of the USNA. After spending the Christmas break together, Jake realized nothing compares to being wrapped in those wide arms and feeling Brig's warm breath on the back of his neck. Since that day when they watched the snowfall, huddled next to the window, they hardly need words to understand each other.

In his dreams, he often imagines them in variations of that day. He can view the scene from outside his body, like a photo or a scene from a home movie. Sometimes, they're watching the rain. Other times, they're watching TV. Brig never looks at the window or screen. Instead, his big, loving eyes focus on Jake. Every time he wakes up with the ghost of Brig's strong arms around his torso, he feels a great sense of relief. They are totally platonic dreams. He never dreams that they kiss, caress, or horror of horrors (!) get naked. What he feels for his childhood friend is not love, so he is not gay.

Javier and Brigham are his friends, and that is enough. He cannot trust more than three people at the same time. Bradley, Brigham, and Javier are enough. He doesn't need more.

There are three options for a young man without a family to seek refuge.

For example, his friendship with Brig will explain why he goes to Moapa Valley as a temporary employee of Fyrosity Vegas Skytravel, Hollywood and Wolf's company. Brig has already warned him that he will not accept a refusal for the summer, and Jake recognizes, despite himself, that he needs a break. To stay in a place where he can put aside the Seresin character.

By the time he finishes his first year at USNA, Jake will have a 3.5 GPA, a reputation as a man of few words, and a mighty fist.

6 Operations

6.1 Establish credentials of heterosexuality

Jake is forced to put his Spanish studies on hold during his second year at USNA because engineering courses take the two elective class slots. To avoid losing practice, he starts speaking in Spanish with Javier. That several well-known racists get angry when listening to them is a bonus in his book. What he doesn't notice are the interested looks of several students.

"They find your accent sexy," Brig tells him in a neutral voice one day in September while they are having lunch.

Jake looks at him carefully. His friend uses that tone when talking about something bothering him, but he thinks it's inappropriate to admit it.

"Sexy?" -He blinks in confusion and lowers his voice- "As in "I want to be your girlfriend"?"

Javier makes a face.

"Mijo, you make it sound like an elementary school crush. And they are not at elementary school."

Javier subtly moves with his jaw, and Jake looks in that direction discreetly. Yes, a group of female students look at them with attention and an expression of... hunger? They are attractive in that specific way of muscular and fierce beauty characteristic of the USNA female population. He swallows dryly and returns to his food.

This is a problem.

Jake knows that one of his actual and seemingly hopeless limitations is romance. His therapist was never able to tell him if he was born that way or if it is another consequence of his traumatic childhood, but he cannot imagine himself in a relationship. That look with which his father looks at Rachel in the meadow photo. The gestures of casual intimacy between Kazansky and Sarah. The laughter shared between Hollywood and Wolf. The strength with which his father and Kazansky intertwined their fingers on that horrendous night. He can recognize the patterns but understands he's not wired that way. As he told Brig, snuggling with a friend is all he needs.

This is a problem.

Adolescence is supposed to be a period of unbridled libido. Even at the USNA, with its pace of physical training and classes, romances begin to blossom in the second year. His family hoped he would break hearts here. Jake knows that if he doesn't live up to those expectations, he'll be labeled gay. That will kill his career before it even begins.

He spends a couple of days thinking about it. Now that he knows what to look for, he notices interested women. How they look at him when they think he's not looking. Ironically, he doesn't recognize them by themselves, but because Brig gets tense as soon as they appear. Is he jealous?

Bitterly, Jake also discovers a circle of spectators betting on his failure. McCormick, who is not only racist and mediocre but also spiteful, is waiting. He or one of his minions is always nearby, attentive to Jake's interactions with Javier, Brig, and his admirers. They are like sharks patrolling the sea, waiting for a trail of blood.

Jake realizes he won't be able to escape this. In the military sexuality code, indifference toward sex is as unacceptable as homosexuality. If he doesn't "make a move" on one of them soon, McCormick will have what he needs to destroy him and... It's not about hitting Kazansky over the head or meeting the conditions to discover Rachel's identity. It's about himself. Flying is not what he wants to do. Flying is what he wants to be.

With a heavy heart, he pulls out from the bottom of his suitcase the manual on non-penetrative sex that Bradley gave him when he turned fifteen. It was a joke, of course. Now, his older brother's prank will save his career. He puts it on the study table five days after realizing the "female problem," taking advantage of the fact that Javier has choir practice.

Brig looks at the book and gets very stiff. Lips are pressed together and reduced to a fine line. Suddenly, he exudes anger and pain.

"I don't like any of them, you know." -he announces bluntly because he is sure that his friend understands what is happening as well as he does.

"I know," Brig admits through gritted teeth.

"Then you know I have to do it. I'm going to read the manual, and you will choose one of them. I don't care about your criteria. Just tell me where to aim, and I'll do the rest."

Brig exhales very slowly. He knew something like this would happen ever since he noticed the looks that went over Jake like he was a piece of meat during summer school. He clings to the positive: Jake has not betrayed him. He did not go behind his back to try a relationship they both know is destined to fail. He shows that he puts their relationship first by including him in the charade.

Brig knows that Jake doesn't love him, at least in the traditional sense of the term. However, their relationship is intense and deep, full of intimacy and silences loaded with meaning. Honestly, Brig forgets most of the time that they're not dating. He can take care of his physical needs in his room without disturbing him. It doesn't matter. Today, life reminds him that, although they are not in a sexual relationship, they are subject to the same prejudices as any other queer couple in the military community.

"How long do you want it to last?" -he asks as he begins to mentally review what he knows about the three students clearly interested in Jake.

The blonde responds with a cruel smile.

"I've heard it said that only the worst men leave you hanging between February 10 and 13."

A week later, Jake asks Victoria Nelson if they can have lunch together. Brig chose Victoria because her sentimental education is based on Disney films and Robyn Carr novels, so a weakness for romance and slightly rough men is guaranteed. For her, Jake Seresin, from San Diego, California, is the perfect body on which to project her fantasies with the Virgin River series. It is one of the keys of her crush on Jake. It is also crucial that Victoria is white (they don't want to put Javier between two fires when Jake leaves her hanging) and that she is the only one of the three interested without a military family. One admiral going after the Mitchell family for his daughter's tarnished honor is enough.

Jake follows the steps of courtship with the care he puts into the rest of his school projects. He is attentive but not servile. It's funny without being strident. Affectionate, but not clingy. He acts, in short, like a sophisticated man who respects women but looks in the mirror and understands his privilege.

He knows he is not doing this just for Victoria and her friends. Many people in the USNA hold their breath as Seresin courts his first girlfriend. There are many looks. The jealous ones of those who wanted Victoria or him. The rage of McCormick and his minions, who were already commenting on his strange disinterest in women. Merlin's curious ones, provably telling every member of the 86 squad what is going on -they are a bunch of old gossip-monger old men-.

Javier is kept ignorant of the setup and serves as perfect support. First, he is surprised, and then he becomes a little jealous of the intruder's presence in his, until now, perfect macho life.

"I thought you were gay? Didn't you had something stable and discreet with Brig?" -he snaps when he returns from his first date with Victoria.

Jake is happy that his friend was so discreet all this time. Luckily, he can answer honestly.

"I'm not gay, Javi." -shrugs- "I was just too busy with classes and processing" -gestures vaguely towards the portrait of his mother on the table- "you know, losing everything."

Javier says “Oh” with a contrite gesture, as always when Jake's orphan status comes to light. Jake takes the opportunity to go into the bathroom. Since he kissed Victoria on the lips, he feels an intense desire to brush his teeth.

Brig also plays his part: he gets awkward in Victoria's presence and gives her suspicious glances. He doesn't "give in" until she corners him for a tete-a-tete conversation about her feelings for Jake and how they're not competing. She understands they are childhood friends, but Jake is a man now and has "new interests." The grunt he lets out is interpreted as reluctant agreement - it's actually mockery.

No one is surprised when they coordinate costumes when Halloween rolls around.

"I don't know if I'll last until February," Jake admits on the Monday of Thanksgiving week.

They are in an empty classroom, almost at curfew. Luckily, his girlfriend studies History, and her elective courses are radically different. Today, she is finishing a project with her group, and he can rest. Brig holds him close to his chest, and Jake takes a deep breath of the smell of steel and sugar. Being in his friend's arms is so calming.

It's not a personality problem. Victoria is kind although a little traditional in her ideas about gender relationships. Jake simply can't deal with the level of physical contact that conventional relationships demand. Kiss when greeting each other. Kiss when saying goodbye. Kiss if one of you does or achieves something significant. Why so many kisses? This constant saliva exchange only makes him think about the dangers of foreign bacterial flora. Now, he always carries a toothbrush and toothpaste with him. He washes his mouth six or seven times a day.

The first two weeks, it was just that, but by mid-October, she started dragging him to her room at least twice a week to grope each other.

Jake couldn't wait to return to his room and get out of those clothes.

After Halloween, it escalated, and Victoria started taking off her tops.

Jake played along. He complimented her beautiful lace bras and placed his hands on her small breasts, hard from the USNA exercise regimen. According to his readings, the massages should concentrate on the central part of the breasts, paying particular attention to the nipples. The gradual hardening would indicate the progression of the person's sexual arousal. As he followed the instructions with an awkward smile, which Victoria thought was shy, Jake wondered why the hell no source gave an exact measurement for finishing the exercise. How many minutes? How many moans? What degree of variation in skin tone? Something!

During November, the touching sessions have not increased in frequency -thanks to USNA's high academic standards- but have grown in intensity.

In the last week, Victoria began to smile - according to the audiovisual examples, they are seductive smiles - while she brought her boyfriend's hands to her crotch. Jake concentrates on applying the instructions in his manual and making her orgasm as quickly as possible. Then, when Victoria is all relaxed and sleepy in her bed, he acts like a gentleman and leaves her alone.

Those nights, he almost runs to his room and washes his hands until his skin turns red. Javier thinks he is masturbating. Jake knows he can't disabuse him.

Is this supposed to be a prize? How is it a reward to get your hands dirty with vaginal secretions and traces of urine or feces? Are there really people who put their mouse down there?

He won't be able to. He knows he won't be able to hold back his vomit if she asks him for such a thing.

The worst thing is that it doesn't seem like she's a nymphomaniac. No one says that they spend too much time alone. Nor has he noticed patterns of addictive behavior. But if this is normal, then he is definitely not normal.

Jake doesn't want to be normal anymore. He just wants to be safe in Brig's arms.

Right now, those big, calloused hands are moving up and down his back as Brig moves them in short, slow oscillations. It's like they're following music only Lennox can hear, but it's perfect.

"It won't go any further than that, I promise you. Just stick with the story that you took a vow of sexual purity until marriage. Everyone knows that you can only get to second base if you made that vow.

Jake snarls. He's not entirely sure that sticking your fingers between someone's labia doesn't constitute third base, but…

"Her friends think I'm adorable." -Jake begins to speak in a high-pitched, fake tone- "Oh! That's so beautiful, Jake. I heard Miley Cyrus wears a chastity ring. I saw the photo of the Jonas Brothers with promise rings. You are so lucky, Vicky! Your Jake looks like Nick Jonas."

Brig laughs.

"Sure, laugh at my troubles. I'm stuck in an episode of Hannah Montana because of Paxton McCormick. He's going to pay me, I swear."

"That will be later. Now, you just have to focus on getting through November and December. Look, in January we will take "Ethics and Moral Reasoning." You could tell them that those readings made you understand that what they have is not enough and etc."

"No! If I do that, I look like a good guy. What I need is to leave her hanging in the most inconsiderate and cruel way so that they leave me alone, at least until the next course."

Brig sighs, defeated.

"Okay." -he looks at his watch- "It's almost curfew."

They go their separate ways to their rooms.

Luckily, Jake and Victoria's relationship isn't at the level of taking him to see family during the holidays. So that Wednesday, he kisses her - yikes - and says goodbye while she drives to Vermont. He has four days off. After that, he only has to endure her for three more weeks until the Christmas break.

He's unsure how to survive the first five weeks of the spring semester. Join a study circle in one of his elective classes? Join a club? Become a tutor? Ah! Has anyone ever looked forward to Valentine's Day more? He doubts it.

Jake doesn't know it, but the perfect excuse to leave Victoria Nelson hanging is on the way. We must be careful what we wish for.