ROOTS 15

 Part 4 of: The Lies We Told Each Other

Fandom: Top Gun (Movies), Thunderheart (1992), Madam Secretary

STORY INDEX: http://palabraspulsares.blogspot.com/p/the-lies-we-told-each-other-4-roots.html

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Chapter 15: The Missing

Summary:

"It's been eleven years, three months and two weeks since Jake left this house," Pete begins.
"Eleven years, three months and one week, six days and fourteen hours," Tom corrects him.
The man is not rattled by the astonished looks of the family.
"You left at ten o'clock that Saturday night," he clarifies, looking directly into Jake´s eyes.
Pete gives his husband a sad smile. Ice's fixation on accurately timing his son's absence always moves him.

 

University City, San Diego, Saturday, November 16, 2019

Pete wakes up slowly. Pain is a constant, mild discomfort in the back of his mind. Manageable. What time will it be? Probably early. He is used to waking up early, regardless of pain or tiredness. Also, last night he fell flat before eight. He turns his head slowly: Tom and Sarah are still sleeping. She curled up with her back protected by their husband's larger body. They look adorable.

But he can't just stare at them. His body demands that he go to the bathroom NOW.

He starts to move very slowly towards the edge of the bed. He lowers his legs. Now, the hard part: standing up. He presses his lips and stands up slowly, using his right arm for support. By the time he finishes sitting up, the pain has gone from mild to severe, and he feels a few beads of sweat on his forehead. He allows himself a few seconds to catch his breath before standing up. Luckily, his hips and legs did not receive significant damage.

He goes to the bathroom, takes care of himself, and while washing his hands, he looks in the mirror. The marks from his adventure in Sakha-Yakutia are turning red to purple, but they still look horrible. He can't help but sigh. Yeah. He can´t fall and bounce anymore. It's time to leave these types of things to the new generation. He will accept the promotion and stay put. After all, he's got the Mustang, and Sam's been talking about having a baby (it's about time). They could use a grandpa bringing up the rear. That will keep him entertained until Ice is appointed Secretary of the Navy, they get married (in August, so Patrick Benjamin doesn't overshadow them, a fuck up reason to choose a date), and he has to move to DC to be a handsome trophy husband.

He once thought he would be lucky to live to be thirty. He just wanted to be an aviator like his father and... They were in the Cold War, and dying in an aerial battle was not absurd then. It seemed fair: die a hero and restore the honor of the Mitchell name. But then he found Goose and Carole, Bradley was born, he found Ice, lost Goose, and... he couldn't afford to die anymore. It's been more than thirty years, he's been a father four times, he has a house and a fucking investment portfolio.

He'll be a rear admiral - Ice wants a promotion, so he'll get a promotion - and, most importantly, now that Jake's back, he'll be able to marry his husband.

He winks at his reflection.

"You haven't done badly, Maverick." and smiles.

His daughter's hysterical screams cut through his ramblings.

Without stopping to think that he is only wearing sleeping pants, he goes to the hallway, where he finds Sam, barely dressed in a long T-shirt -it must be Elia's-, barefoot and jumping while alternating between knocking on Sean's door and looking at her cell phone.

She doesn't seem upset but rather amazed and happy.

"What's happening?"

On the other side of the hallway, Ice and Sarah also look out.

"Sam? What happened?"

She looks at them, ecstatic with joy, and waves her phone.

"Tom Cruise came out of the closet!" she bangs on his younger brother's door again. "Sean! Wake up! You owe me fifty dollars."

As the men exchange confused glances, Bradley sticks out his disheveled head.

"I'll give you a hundred if you shut up, Sam."

She looks at him disdainfully.

"Don't you get into this, I haven't forgotten that you agreed with Sean. At least sunkaku dared to bet on his ideas."

"Please," Sarah says in a conciliatory tone, "let's not repeat the Wachowski debacle."

"What's all this fuss about?" -Jake has a thick voice, but his eyes are alert- "What about the Wachowskis?"

Pete huffs in annoyance. Seeing Jake's dark circles makes him lose his patience.

"You have woken up your brothers," he scolds her harshly. "They have just risked their lives; it is their first night at home, and you wake them up at six in the morning for some internet gossip. Who cares if Tom Cruise is gay?"

Sam stays very still. All her bubbly joy disappeared when she noticed the marks on her father's chest.

"They risk their lives?" she turns, her eyes going accusatory, from Bradley to Jake. "What were you two doing? How did you let Mavdad end up like this?"

Jake raises his hands defensively.

"Don't look at me! It was Rooster who…"

"That´s enough," Ice's voice cuts the air like a whip. "Sam, you know quite well that we have a dangerous job. Mav did what he had to do. Your brothers weren't there to take care of him. The three of them had a mission, and they did whatever it took to complete it. If you're going to complain to someone, take your fight to the commander who planned the mission."

But she doesn't cower.

"That commander is you, right?"

He stands tall and hardens his face. In a second, he goes from being a sleepy father to acquiring all the poise of the Commander of the Pacific Fleet.

"Yes."

It's just a word, but its full weight cannot be ignored. It is an admission of responsibility, also a challenge.

Sam purses her lips and holds the gaze for a few seconds. Finally, she gives in, averts her eyes, sighs.

"You're right, Mavdad. Sean can pay my fifty dollars at breakfast," she goes to her door, says, "Let's try to sleep a little more," and enters her room.

Bradley, Jake, Tom, Sarah, and Pete exchange confused looks. And now?

"Iná," Jake looks at her timidly, "what was the Wachowski debacle?"

Bradley turns red.

"Uh! I think I'll go back to bed," he says hurriedly and disappears.

The two dads let out mocking giggles. Sarah rolls her eyes and crosses the hallway.

"Tom put more ointment on Pete," she orders without looking at him.

The imperative tone with which she gets rid of her husbands changes to absolute adoration when she addresses Jake.

"I'll tell you inside, okay?" she pushes him gently into her room. "You're probably still tired."

Sarah closes Jake's door with a click. Tom and Pete look at each other, unsure.

"You really need more ointment," he extends his hand. "Come here."

Finally, the family meets for breakfast around ten in the morning.

"I can´t believe it," Sean growls, typing furiously on his cell phone. "I mean, it's... Tom Cruise," he shows the screen to his sister. "There! Your new picnic backpack for two people with thermal insulation and a wine bottle compartment will arrive in three days."

"Thank you, little brother," Sam nods with a sly smile. "It's a pleasure to see you honor your word."

"Let me see that," Jake leans over his little brother's shoulder to look at the phone. "It's pretty. Can I see it in other colors?"

 

Sean shakes his head.

"It was better when you were in denial about Brig. I'll send you the link, okay?"

"Thanks," Jake shakes his shoulder affectionately and goes to the kitchen to help their mother.

"Since we're on the subject of links," Bradley carefully puts the warm bread on the table, "it seems that Twitter and TikTok collapsed this morning because of Cruise. Not even Beyoncé had achieved that."

"I still think all this fuss is ridiculous," Mav says as she sits down very slowly. Ice puts a cushion on her back. "Thank you, love."

In the kitchen, Jake almost cuts his finger in surprise. He had never seen such a casual display of affection between them. It makes sense: Kazansky and his father were hiding their relationship from their kids when he left. Now that the whole family knows, they can act freely here.

Pete continues talking while putting jelly on toast, oblivious to his son's thoughts.

"I mean, Cruise is not the first actor to come out of the closet. Everyone knows about Jodie Foster. This guy who played Ice on "Top Gun," Glen Powell, is bi, right? And Lavender Cox…"

"Laverne Cox, Mavdad," Sam corrects in a tired tone.

"Aha, her. She is a trans woman who acts and produces. That's much more important, right? And that boy, the skinny one who plays violin in "Umbrella Academy"…"

"Elliot Page?" Sean asks.

"Yeah…"

"Elliot Page is gay?!"

There is absolute silence, all eyes fixed on Sean. Sam looks at his older brother with a victorious expression.

"You owe me fifty dollars."

Bradley slaps Sean on the head.

"Do you live under a rock? Elliot Page is a trans man."

"Hey!"

"No physical violence." Sarah warns. "I already told you I don't want another Wachowski debacle."

"But our little brother is so straight..."

"Sam!"

They sit down and start eating breakfast, exchanging comments and entertainment gossip. It's like usual when they manage to be all together. Except it's not. Ice notices Jake´s concentrated expression. He is silent and looks from side to side, following the erratic dialogues loaded with family references, like someone who stars watching a TV show in the seventh season. His eyes have the melancholic shine of longing for the time they missed.

It breaks his heart.

Ice waits until Brad, Sam, and Sean can't talk with their mouths full.

"So, Jake, what's your favorite Cruise film?"

His son blinks a few times, clearly surprised by the direct question.

"Well..." he wrinkles his forehead, reflective. "Valkyrie."

Oh! That's interesting, Tom thinks.

"The one about the German military trying to kill Hitler? You're so predictable, bro." Sam mocks.

"You only like "Rock of the Ages" because he is shirtless all the time," he accuses her without hiding his disapproval.

"Yeah, well, at least I'm not lying about my desire," she says disdainfully.

Jake does not reply to the provocation. Just lowers his eyes, hardens his face, and puts something in his mouth that he begins to chew automatically. Sam doesn't know he's asexual. No one in the family knows. They believe his comments are prudish lies because they can't imagine someone honestly and healthily disinterested in sex. He looks up and finds Iceman's gray eyes on him. There is no disdain or mockery in them, only curiosity. As if he cared to know...

He forces himself to stop that line of thinking. It is one thing to accept his father's partner and another very different to start thinking that he cares about him. Kazansky doesn't love him. He never did. How could he love him if he is Rachel Seresin's son? His father loved Rachel. He is evidence that there was someone in Pete Mitchell's life who was as important (maybe even more) than Kazansky. The admiral only protects him because he loves his father. There is nothing else.

Ice looks at his eldest son and raises an eyebrow imperiously.

"Well, my favorite is "Tropic Thunder." -says Bradley- "You can barely recognize him with all that makeup."

Sean nods vigorously and hastily swallows to give his opinion.

"That's the second most disgusting character he's ever played."

Pete looks at his children, intrigued.

"What is his most disgusting character?"

"Frank TJ Mackey," Sean says.

"Vincent," says Brad.

Pete watches with amusement as they look at each other, surprised, but he doesn't let the matter progress.

"When you leave the Navy, you can become YouTubers to monetize all those strong opinions, but that's enough pining for Cruise for today," he gets up slowly. "We will have a family meeting in the solarium."

Tom also gets up immediately to accompany him. Jake watches them leave with his mouth open. Again, he is surprised by the casual and relaxed way they express their relationship.

"Bradley, Sam, it's your turn to clean up," Sarah instructs.

An hour later, they met in the solarium. The room hasn't changed much in the last decade. The only significant new element is a rolling minibar in one corner. Sarah asks the boys to help move the furniture so that the two sofas face each other and the two armchairs in the room are on each side. The seats form an irregular circle with one of the low tables in the center.

Tom places a folder with some documents on the table and sits on one of the couches, with his spouses on either side.

Sam and Sean sit on the second, smaller couch.

Bradley and Jake each take a seat.

"It's been eleven years, three months and two weeks since Jake left this house," Pete begins.

"Eleven years, three months and one week, six days and fourteen hours," Tom corrects him.

The man is not rattled by the astonished looks of the family.

"You left at ten o'clock that Saturday night," he clarifies, looking directly into Jake´s eyes.

Pete gives his husband a sad smile. Ice's fixation on accurately timing his son's absence always moves him. He takes a couple of long breaths to regain control.

"As I said, Jake left because we couldn't tell him who the person who carried him was."

Jake feels how the simple choice of verb brings all the anger back.

"You didn't want to," he says between his teeth, "and don't say that she carried me as if she was an incubator. My mother is a human being!"

He is surprised by the moved look Iceman gives him. His father just shakes his head.

"We couldn't, Jake. Rachel Seresin's identity is something we have protected for decades. Lives were at stake. First Ray Seresin, then Nick," Brad makes a surprised noise at the mention of his biological father. "Cougar, Slider, me, Carole, and Sarah join in the secret over the years. But the main guardian, who first met Rachel Seresin, was Tom."

He turns his head slightly to give him an encouraging look and a gentle pat on the thigh.

"I think the best way is to start at the beginning." Ice says. "My name is not…"

He stops because that's not true. His name is Thomas Kazansky. It is the one he chose, the one that responds to his identity and dreams. He must frame it better.

"When I was born, they did not name me Thomas Kazansky. I took that name when I was seventeen before I joined the Navy. I was not born in Chicago on August 31, 1960, either, but on March 17 of that year, in Los Angeles, one of two twins. My parents were twenty years old when they had us. Her name was Karin Kowalsky. My father was a man of the Oglala Sioux tribe, Samuel Seresin."

"Seresin?" Jake repeats.

There is a brief exchange of confused and curious glances between his offspring. Tom ignores them and continues.

"My father was an alcoholic. It was the way he dealt with his pain. Years later, I learned that he had been taken from the reservation where he was born at five years old to be educated in a boarding school. He never heard from his own family again. My mother... I guess she thought it was romantic at first, but when my brother and I arrived... Well. Nothing makes you more pragmatic than two babies crying from hunger. They divorced when I was five years old. My mother married again. Still, my father stayed close, trying to teach us what little he remembered about his culture. That, of course, did not please my mother and stepfather. They filled our heads with racist shit. I guess seeing your own kids be ashamed of you doesn't help when you have chronic depression. So, he ended up taking his own life when I was seven years old."

"I'm sorry, Icepop," Sean whispers.

He gives him a warm look and turns his head toward Sarah. It's her turn.

"One of the reasons why Samuel Seresin was suffering was that he had been separated from his twin brother, Sean. Sean fell in love with a young woman from his tribe whom he met at his boarding school. They escaped together, married, and made a more or less stable life on the south side of Chicago. I was born there, in 1970. My father was a union organizer. He faced the mafia and the government for workers' rights. One day, when leaving a grocery store with my mother, they were both riddled with bullets. I was five years old."

"So you two are...?"

"Technically cousins, yes," her eyes are firm as he answers Jake.

"Genetically we are half-siblings," Ice adds, because since they are going to do this, he wants to make everything clear at every step. "But we did not know each other until November 1990."

"Wait a minute!" Sam cuts. "You met in July 1990 in New York. We all know that story. Ice and Mav fought, and they each went their own way. Ice met you, iná, and Mav met..." she stops because the improbability is worthy of a soap opera. "Another Seresin?"

"That story is a lie. Ice and I have been together since November 1988. I have never cheat to him. We spent that week in New York together, in a hotel room."

"But then, who were you with, mom?"

Sarah swallows dry.

"He found me in Central Park on the afternoon of July 12, 1990. He said his name was Ken, like Barbie's boyfriend. He fooled me, drugged me, broke into my apartment, and raped me. Ten years later, I knew his name was Troy Manning, a Navy lieutenant. He was convicted of eight counts of sexual assault and other drug-related crimes. The only ones that the police could prove after he spent at least fifteen years abusing women in all the ports of the world."

Sam wails, covers her face with her hands and starts crying. Sean puts an arm around her shoulders.

"Where is he?" Jake asks angrily.

"Dead," Ice answers.

Her daughter raises her face, amazed. His other three children look at him with equal surprise. The tone of pride with which he said the word leaves no room for doubt about his responsibility in the event. Brad remembers with sudden clarity that time in Hawaii when the police came looking for Mavdad for the death of the owner of a bar they had visited. Ice had the same expression of fierce satisfaction.

"Good," Jake says.

Ice looks at him, pleased as if he had expected precisely that answer. Then, Jake realizes something else.

"But if you two were together, where did I come from? Is there another lost Seresin out there?"

And he wouldn't be surprised after what he just heard. How many missing relatives they don´t know about because of the racist policies of the US government?

"I already told you that my last name was Seresin when I was born. I am one of two twins." he stops, swallows dry, and tries to start again. "When we were born..."

But again, he feels a lump in his throat that stops him from speaking. Ice tilts his head and closes his eyes. He is overwhelmed. He dreamed many times that they knew the truth, but never the exact moment he told them. He realizes now he doesn't know how to articulate it. He feels Pete's hand on his thigh and looks at him.

"Do you want me to say it?" he asks gently.

Yes, he wants to, but it is his duty, right? He was who got them into this mess. He shakes his head and tries to find an alternative. Maybe…

Ice goes to the folder from the table and takes out the photo they already know: Rachel, ready for her graduation party.

"This photo was not the only one from that day."

He pulls out another: In this one, the two brothers stand together, back-to-back, with their arms crossed over their chests and their heads tilted to look at the camera with equally defiant expressions. His long, dark blonde hair contrasts with Ray's short, almost bright yellow, curly hair. They dressed in combination: he wore a light blue linen shirt, a red sweater, and white elephant-leg pants; Ray wore a similar shirt but a white sweater and red pants.

"Ice," Jake's voice trembles, "how long have you known Rachel Seresin?"

"In a certain way, since the day I was born. But that," he points with his index finger to the male figure in the image, "is not me. That's Ray Seresin. You met him in Allen. Now you can understand why he didn't let you see him."

Yes, Jake understands now why Walter and Ray insisted that he could only talk to Ray.

Sam looks at the photo intently as she runs her fingers through her long hair.

"Were you triplets then?" but she immediately shakes her head. "No, you have been saying that you had a brother."

"No," Ice confirms, "we are twins. A week after we took that photo, I went out with Ray, supposedly camping. We actually traveled to San Diego. Along the way, I cut my hair and threw away all my documentation. I took the name of Thomas Kazansky, a boy who had died with his family in 1961 in a car accident. And I joined the Navy."

There it is, he said it. He leans back on the couch with a sigh of relief. He feels Sarah and Pete take each of his hands and shake them.

Bradley frowns.

"That doesn't make sense," he says.

But at the same time, Jake groans because the pieces are coming together in his mind, and everything is making sense. A horrible and beautiful sense. He takes the photos and holds them upright at Ice's face level.

"It's you." he moans. "You are, literally, my dad."

"I don't understand. So, you're not Mavdad's son?" Sean asks, bewildered.

"No!" Sam understands, too. "Jake is Mavdad and Icepop´s because Icepop is trans."

"You didn't know Rachel." Jake realizes on the verge of tears. "You were Rachel."

Ice shrinks a little, face remorseful.

"No one has called me Rachel in more than forty years. Except you, of course. It's been strange competing for your love with myself."

Bradley makes a startled noise.

"Of course not," Sean vehemently denies. "I am the son of Iná and Icepop."

"No, you're not," Jake replies. He studies the trio again, trying to fit the new information into his memories. "Iná has brown eyes, and Ice´s are blue. You have green eyes like me... like Mavdad."

Mav nods with a proud expression. Sean goes to say something else, but his mother silences him with a gesture.

"We're getting ahead of ourselves, Ice, can you continue?"

Now that the hardest part is over, Ice discovers it's incredibly easy to keep telling the truth.

"Getting male hormones on the black market is complicated, especially if you are on an aircraft carrier around the world. I guess I stretched the doses too much. Anyway, in September 1990, I realized that I was pregnant. I couldn't explain it to the Navy, of course, so I burned my arm with hot water to get a few weeks of medical leave."

"You burn yourself on purpose!?" Jake's voice is several decibels higher than usual.

His dad looks at him with the confidence of experience.

"A perfectly calculated risk, I assure you." he moves his left hand around. "No permanent damage, see?"

Bradley wrinkles his brow thoughtfully.

"I remember that. I was upset with you, wasn't I?"

Ice's face softens.

"Do you remember why?"

"Oh! Yeah." he smiles at the memory. "You couldn't go out to play because your burns could get infected. Also, the bandages weren't as fun as a cast because I couldn't draw on them."

Bradley cringes a little as five pairs of eyes stare at him in disbelief.

"I was six years old. Okay? Mav let me draw penises on his casts. That was my standard."

Mav slaps himself in the face.

"Your mother warned me that one day I would regret that."

"Carole warned us about many things," Sarah agrees.

Jake has sunk into his chair, admired and scandalized by what he has just heard.

"I can't believe you burned your arm for me."

That's what he always wanted, though, right? To find his mother and ask her if she loved him. There he has it. Not a mom, a dad. Who loved him full and hard right away. He loved him so much that he didn't hesitate to hurt himself to protect Jake when he was nothing more than a huddle of cells.

Ice resumes his story, and although he is aware that all his children are listening to him with attention, he is actually only talking to one person: Jake.

"I couldn't have you anywhere where a paper trail connected us. I wanted you to live as normal a life as possible and keep my career in the Navy if I could. Ray, my twin brother, had returned to live on the Oglala reservation a few years earlier. I knew I could give birth there without the federal government finding out. I arrived in November. You can't imagine Ray's face when I told him he would be an uncle. That's when I met Sarah."

"Then it is not true that I was born in Chicago either."

"No," Sarah confirms, looking at Sam tenderly. "I fled New York in August without knowing I was pregnant. I arrived at Pine Ridge with my nurse and midwife degree under my arm. I was counting on that to break through. As soon as I said I was Sarah Seresin, daughter of Sean Seresin, they asked me questions, but they also offered me water and the most delicious sandwich I can remember eating. An hour later, this tall man appeared, with blue eyes and long blonde hair combed in two braids. Ray Seresin. He took me to his house. That's how I learned about the twins Samuel and Sean and the family history they had denied me."

"In order to have Mav at the birth, we filed a paternity lawsuit in the name of Rachel Seresin through the Tribal Council. They FBI returned him in March 1991."

"That's when you took the photos."

Mav grimaces. Remembering that he got those photos against Ice's will doesn't make him happy.

"Yeah. We also got married in a Sioux ceremony. Although it had no legal value. In 1991 and as Navy aviators, it was all we could dream of."

Jake takes an envelope he kept hidden on the back of his chair. He takes out the photo of "My Two Loves," which he hasn't even shown to Brig, and puts it on the table next to the graduation pictures.

Ice lets out a painful moan, crosses his forearms over his chest defensively, and retreats into the couch.

Bradley, Sam, and Sean lean in to get a closer look.

"Who is that?"

"It's me when I was one day old. On my dad's chest."

Oh! It feels good to say it out loud. It's not like he dreamed of all these years. It's even better. He looks into his eyes and says.

"Thank you."

But the word only makes Ice uncomfortable. How can his child thank him for anything?

"I tried, I really tried to stay away the first few years. I wanted to give you a chance to have a normal childhood with Pete, Carole, and Bradley. I only met Sarah when I came ashore."

"And you were drying like a log," she scolds him. "They made you commander in 1993 because you had become obsessive."

"I had experience channeling my feelings in a productive way," Ice admits grimly.

Bradley thinks it's a depressing comment, but he understands. Blue has told him how difficult it was to grow up with the expectations of being the perfect heir to a weak dynasty and the growing awareness that he was not a man in the traditional sense of the word. Dysphoria, self-esteem problems, and chronic distrust are some of the mental health problems that accompany it. They allow him to rule successfully but also make his love life very difficult. Seen this way, Tom "Iceman" Kazansky's famous calculating coldness takes on a tragic connotation.

"They were very long two years," Pete admits, "but I knew I had to give you time to come to terms with everything that had happened."

"For two years, we pretended that Tom and I did not want to formalize our relationship, even though we had a daughter. We were the talk of the Navy: the couple who first had a baby and then fell in love."

"Some people even had the nerve to compare me to my friend Mitchell, who had decided to settle down after having a child," Ice remembers sarcastically.

"But then Metcalf invited him to Top Gun, and DADT was approved. I always knew Ice wanted to move up in the ranks and never doubted his ability to do so. But I also knew that such bohemian aura would not take him beyond the rank of captain. On Memorial Weekend 1993…"

"On the night of May 23," Tom corrects him.

"Seriously, Icepop, stop with the dates!" Sean complains. "You break the rhythm of the narrative."

Ice grunts but nods. Pete gives him a smile that's somewhere between tender and exasperated.

"Two things happened that weekend. In Texas, Carole realized that Bradley would be returned to the Abbot family if anything happened to her," he looks at his eldest son. "The only solution was to get married and make me your legal father. That's why I adopted you."

"And it was beautiful to see my cousin Chad's face when I told him I wouldn't be going back to being his punching bag in fucking Fredericksburg, Texas. It's the only good memory of a horrible day."

"Oh! Is that the boy I knocked to the ground on the day of the funeral?" Sam's eyes shine fiercely when she remembers it.

"You did what?!"

Tom, Bradley, Jake, and Sam exchange frightened looks. They never told Sarah what had happened in the yard.

"Nothing important, love, I assure you. They just had a bit of a spirited exchange of ideas."

Sarah looks at him with narrowed eyes.

"You and I will talk about this later," she warns her husband. "Keep going, Pete."

The brunette breathes a sigh of relief, Sarah's anger is to be feared, and continues.

"Between Sarah and I, we had finally convinced Tom to come to San Diego that weekend in 1993. It was the first time he saw you since he left the reservation when you were two weeks old."

Ice closes his eyes, overcome by the memory. More than twenty-five years have passed, but the intensity of his feelings when he finally saw Jake remains intact. He had to call on all his self-control to stay in character. Being Mav's secret lover was easy. It was something he knew how to be. But seeing his son within arm's reach and unable to express his love, he wasn't prepared for that. He's still unsure if those first three days were beautiful or dreadful.

"We went to the beach, and while he was playing with you two in the water, Sarah confessed to me that she had fallen in love with Tom," he looks at her tenderly. "I know you expected me to burst with jealousy, to recriminate you for trying to take my man, but, honestly, it's impossible to meet the real Tom and not fall in love. Right?"

Sarah nods with moist eyes. Sean rolls his eyes.

"Mavdad, cut the corniness. You're going to give me diabetes."

His father gives him a mocking look but resumes the story.

"I thought that, out of love, I should do what befits a proper military spouse: not be an obstacle in my partner's promotion plans and, whenever I could, move the mechanisms in his favor. So, on the night of May 23, 1993, I told them that they had to get married and have another baby."

Even before their kids explode, Ice covers his face with his hands. Mav's plan to catapult him into the virile respectability of the top brass always seemed cynical and dangerous to him. But his husband grew up in foster homes and was a victim of sexual abuse in his early youth; of course, he considered sex a legitimate tool to move up in life.

"Wait, what?"

"I really didn't see this one coming."

"Did you say I was born for political gain?"

"But I thought you loved each other?"

Sarah silences them with a gesture. Her face is hard and determined. She is proud of the love she shares with these two men and will not allow them to make her feel ashamed of her choices.

"It was a simple equation: I loved Tom, Pete loved Tom, Tom wanted to be an admiral. A lifestyle based on traditional values was essential for his rise. That meant a legitimate wife and children. Between Pete and me, we could provide that," she looks directly at Sean. "You are not worth less because you were a planned baby, on the contrary."

"Yes, Sean, you didn't have to share the crib like Sam and I."

That brings the younger sibling out of his stupor.

"Share the crib?"

Pete looks at his son, curious.

"Do you remember that?"

Jake grimaces.

"I have vague memories of our life before this house, but yes, I remember sleeping and hugging Sam. It was comforting."

"We didn´t have much space at the Miramar Base´s house," he confirms. "When Sarah was in the area, she stayed with us and... well, the crib was big, it made sense. And Sean, you were not an obligation. Growing the family was politically expedient, but I'm sure it would have happened anyway," he takes Sarah's hand and kisses it lovingly.

His three children see the gesture in awe.

"Oh!" says Bradley, who suddenly understands many things.

"Mav and I were in love with Tom," she explains. "He told me that it made sense to see if we could fall in love with each other. So far, we are doing well."

"Yeah," he confirms. "You have the best pilot."

Tom makes an annoyed noise.

"Don't ruin it, Mitchell."

Jake stares at them. He's not sure what he should feel right now.

Surprise?

Relief?

Happiness?

Shame?

"Dad," the two men turn to look at him, so he clarifies. "Icepop. I think I owe you an apology."

"You don´t…"

"Yeah, I do. I told you right here that you were a monster who had stolen me from my mother's arms, that you had no right to have a say in my life. You gave me everything, and I..." he feels a lump in his throat and his eyes wet, but he forces himself to speak over the pain. "I was so obsessed with being normal that I couldn't appreciate your love."

"No, you were right. I accepted the plan because I wanted to be an admiral. I am a selfish man who wanted to have it all: career, wife, lover, and babies. When Sean was born, we realized we hadn't thought about you, but it was too late. This house and this family are... what did you call it? A parody of a suburban dream. I don't…"

"Enough!" Sam almost screams. "How can you say so many horrible things about yourself? This family is a dream. It is wonderful. Jake was just too obtuse and impatient to appreciate it, but Brad, Sean, and I never doubted that you were a wonderful father."

"You were for me too. I was mad at you because I felt betrayed. Because I loved you like a father, and suddenly, you were the obstacle between Rachel and me. Even when I left, even when I forced myself to hate you, I never stopped being your son. I am, for all intents and purposes, the son of Maverick and Iceman. The entire Navy knows it," he looks at Bradley. "Itsn´t?"

"Yeah."

Sean remembers the rumor, too, and covers his face with his hands in shame.

"I can't believe it's true."

Pete giggles with amusement. Ice watches them blankly.

"What are you talking about?"

Bradley decides to explain to them.

"There is a conspiracy theory about Jake. That he has no known family because he came out of a secret Navy laboratory where they mixed the genes of you two."

"And I will never being able to say anything," Sean whines.

"By the way, the theory that Ice is the twin of an indigenous activist whom the CIA killed in the eighties is also half true. The activist was Ray, and the CIA tried to kill him... how many times, love?"

Tom shrugs.

"He stopped counting after the dozen. We guess they just gave up."

His brother thought it was funny and flattering. Trying to kill a real psychic is very difficult. Trying it without recognizing his precognition capacity is useless. Walter found it annoying and further evidence of the inherent evil of the US government.

"I still have a question. You... I mean, I understand that you didn't want to tell me when I was seventeen. I wasn't... Yes, you were right, Icepop: I was a child and couldn't handle the truth. But were you ever going to tell me?"

Tom, Pete, and Sarah exchange awkward glances.

"We had the idea of telling you when you graduated," Mav answers. "You would be twenty-one. But you sent that message that you had to "do something before coming home" and…"

"Actually, I told you a couple of times when you were little," Iceman admits. "During the crisis. Although it doesn't matter, of course, because you don't remember it."

Ah, yes, crisis is a much more polite term than a "breakdown of crying and jealousy when you discovered that you were adopted."

"Oh! So, it wasn't a dream?"

Ice blinks in amazement.

"You remember anything about that?"

"I remember one night during those months of crisis when it was your turn to put me to sleep. The light was off. You took off your pajama top and pressed me against your chest. You wrapped us in a soft blanket. It was like being in a cocoon. I remember your rough skin," he looks at the photo of his tattooed chest and understands that he felt the scars of the brutal mastectomy, "and that you sang me a lullaby in Lakota. I relaxed. Then you spoke to me, apologized for leaving, and promised me that one day we would be together."

He looks up. Iceman is staring at him with tear-filled eyes. His hands are on his knees, so tense that the knuckles are losing color. He realizes that it must have been torture watching him grow and not touching him as much as he wanted, as he deserved. When did he start to consider himself too grown up to be hugged by his three kuŋkákepi? But even before that, the respectable Kazansky had to avoid any suspicious behavior. He feels so, so ashamed. This man gave him everything. He didn't hesitate to lie, to hurt himself, to repress his own feelings so that he would be happy so that he would have a chance at that shitty normality that he craved so much.

He gets up, walks around the coffee table, and sits on it right in front of Iceman.

"Do you want to hug me, Dad?"

The admiral is unable to speak; he only purses his lips, nods, and opens his arms.

Jake stands up a little to reach him, but the man takes him by surprise, grabbing and lifting him up. Wow! It seems like he still goes to the gym every day? Jake straddles his thighs and presses his torso against Iceman's. He feels his big hands on his back, squeezing his shirt convulsively. The body that hugs him shakes rhythmically. It takes him a while to understand that they are sobs. He doesn't say anything, just buries his face in the crook between his shoulder and neck and feels. Oh! It's that smell. The smell that was missing.

 

STORY INDEX: http://palabraspulsares.blogspot.com/p/the-lies-we-told-each-other-4-roots.html